It was time to get uncomfortable again. Part 1/2

I was hesitant to apply… because what if my fears were actually true

Hello, lovely to see you here.

In November 2021, I turned 40 and if I am honest (and honesty is what we are doing here-otherwise what’s the point?!) these have been some of my stretchiest years yet.

I knew turning 40 was going to be a reflective time for me. If I was naming an album that has been written around this time, I wouldn’t have called it ‘40’ (Adele may have had something to say/sing(!), it would have been called ‘The ultimate reset.’

Sadly, I have know too many people (many in horrendous circumstances) who haven’t made it to their 40th birthday so it wasn’t something I was going to take for granted.

We were knee deep into moving house (this was month two and we had no idea at the time, we would still be faffing about on month five- through no fault of our own(!)) and I was extremely sleep deprived with a 2 year old and a 6 year old.

I knew that it was time to reassess.

The big questions followed.

Where was I going? What made me happy? What did I need to drop?

What felt outdated, stale or joyless? Was it time to let go of that two pack of ASOS maternity leggings (at the time, no; as of July 2024 - definitely! immediately bumps up the to do list)

I have been in the self development world for too long to just assume that I would write down my goals, then have a word with the universe and then promptly, they would arrive beautifully gift wrapped just as I planned.

There was work to be done.

I love my coaching work and have heavily invested in my business development over the years.

However; I trained as an actor 20 years ago. Acting is a significant part of my income pie. I also make money as a speaker and as a creator.

Since graduating from one of the top drama schools, I have always worked professionally and dabbled and topped up with short term professional development.

But I knew it was time. I didn’t want to be a dabbler. I wanted to see exactly where I was at. I wanted to explore the discipline of being accountable and going all in.

I wanted to see and feel exactly where my strengths and weaknesses were residing. Even though that felt extremely vulnerable and also the harder task. It would be so much easier just to bob along; not to question or improve or perhaps kid myself.

Maybe you are in this place? If you are ready for some mega moves, have a look here

The opportunity presented itself; a 10 week screen acting course with some of the best in the business. There were just 12 places; I applied and I was awarded one (and paid!).

I wanted to share this experience because it was so much more than becoming a ‘better actor’ although that did happen too.

I want to share what happens when we go through the process of change; when we decide and what it takes to actually take action.

As we move into part two of 2024, I want you to take a stand for what you want and making moves to make it a reality. Spoiler alert - it may welcome all the feelings. 

This is part one and I have broken it down into five steps (part two and the next 5 steps will be with you a week today)

1) Filling out the form should be a basic and straightforward step but it may not be the one you want to do (or may struggle with)….

Here’s what the inside of my brain sounded like:

The form: ‘Tell us about yourself’ 

Me: …. ‘waaaaahhhh!

‘What do I say?’

‘Ah, I’ll do it later…’

‘Have I even got anything to say?’

‘What are they looking for?’

‘What if I don’t get a place after all this admin- I’ve spent hours on this… hours I don’t have?’

(P.S Your logical busy brain will try and convince you that you don’t have time for your dreams…’ Weird eh?)

‘I’ll do it tomorrow’

Declaring on paper or on the internet what you want and why you want it takes courage… also concentration because it takes a lot of brain power to be in a headspace where everything you have done in the past spills out of you effortlessly.

The first step often gets overlooked. Most people won’t fill in the form.

I answered the required answers and also loved the opportunity to write ‘a golden paragraph’ (or eight as Matt may say as he says I can’t write one- and he is right!)

The golden paragraph (and not all of it has to be shared but it is good for you to know) is a connection from you to the page. This is when you speak to yourself (or course/job application/estate agent/bursary/organisation) and you speak from the heart.

You say what you want and why you want it. 

Warning. Tears are likely to appear and you may feel emotional because it is emotional.

This is your life.

These are your hopes and dreams and you have to take a stand for them.

Some of them may have been buried and so to confront them again can be well confronting!

Yes, others may want the best for you, but you have lead it. You have to say, this is important to me and I am going to do something about it.

P.S This is why I don’t have a complicated form on my website to apply to work with me. There is a messenger button in the bottom right hand side. This is where you can share (confidentially!) what you are looking for and what you would like. I never want 18 questions that you may not have the answers to, to be a barrier to entry (sometimes I feel the world is set up like this- but that’s another story for another day). I want to help you to get going . Once you take the first step (often the hardest), I know things change quickly and you are in the groove… check out how I can help you here

2) The logistics may throw you or concern you…

Over the years, I have joined many business offerings and hosted many of my own. One of the most popular questions is ‘What if I can’t make all the sessions?’ Invariably ‘there is always a replay’ — because lots of business courses get it but in this case there wasn’t.

The requirement was to show up live for 10 weeks. Between 6 and 9pm… historically my least productive time of my day.  Three hours per week. Plus reading. Plus learning lines. Plus rehearsals. Plus taping. Plus editing. Plus admin.

At this point it would be so easy to have said no. It fell over the summer holidays. It is a busy time of year. What if something happens and I can’t make it. The class may run over and finish at 9:30pm — way past my online time.

However I could stay in logistics limbo or get my head around it.

The timing is more workable now as my children do go to bed and mainly stay there, which hasn’t been the case until recently.

So when their mother go upstairs to shout on zoom ‘Michael you fucking need to tell me what happened’ as she is playing a smart, intelligent gang leader, it is kind of workable.

I think we/I assume there is going to be a perfect time where we/I will have white space and no other responsibilities. This is not life. Sometimes we have to make choices and do it anyway. To be honest if there was one session I couldn’t do I would have still signed up. Mainly because doing 9 sessions and missing 1 would have taught me a lot more than doing none.

That perfection gremlin shows up in all kinds of different outfits so keep a look out.

That being said, sometimes there is a better time to do things. You don’t have to start a business at 38 weeks pregnant (unless absolutely necessary!) because you feel the pressure of Instagram telling you that you should be a Mumboss.

A client shared with me the other day about her capacity… Looking after two children meant she had very little time. I get it. So she just needed to sit tight and do only what was required.

I know others will tell you to do more, but they are not there when you are exhausted, sobbing and sitting on the floor not knowing why.

This is always a personal decision.

But there may just be a way…

This is not about doing more. This is about being smart with your time, focus, energy, money etc… I always help you to build strong foundations in my coaching work. Read more here

Welcome to part two. Onto lesson 3.

3) Sometimes it is easier to avoid the thing because if we do the thing, we may not like what we find…

There are so many places in life where maybe we would prefer not to know.

Sometimes it is easier and more comfortable to live in denial.

However this year for me has been about stepping in and stepping up.

Now as much as I would like to say, the process has been a magical experience akin to me channeling my inner mermaid effortlessly gliding out of the water… it is not the case.

When you say you are going to go ‘there’, you ask questions. When you go deeper, when you look at the evidence; you get some answers. Some of which you may not like or may not be expecting.

For example when I went back to hot yoga on April 4th 2022 (yes I tracked it and have tracked every class since — today is 268) I was shocked. I felt old, tired, lethargic, stiff, creaky and had zero core strength. I did not look like the woman on the LuluLemon website as I had hoped.

In all honesty, I couldn’t dine out on the ‘I used to be a dancer’ story because the current version was so far removed. Spoiler alert my core strength is now better than ever and I’m sure I could bang out a triple pirouette if necessary.

None of this work was done with judgement or shame (well maybe a bit — looking at yourself in the mirror in various positions whilst sweating is quite illuminating) — I had had two massive babies who didn’t sleep for years; the recovery was long.

However it was good to know exactly where I was. Even though it bruised my ego and I had the dawning that this was all going to take much longer.

Truthfully, I needed to know with this acting course where I was. Yes I trained professionally 20 years ago at a top drama school and have worked consistently since but how was I really?

Was I willing to take a closer look?

Was I sharp? Was I versatile?

Did I take direction? Did I translate my ‘work’ onto the screen?

Was I up to the job? If an amazing opportunity revealed itself tomorrow would I be ready?

I think so often we can assume that we can do the work once we get the opportunity. But it is the other way round. We have to do the work first. Which often means some vulnerability and some honesty.

So how about you? What do you need to look at? What are you shying away from?

There is the brilliant quote ‘When focus goes, energy flows’ — change doesn’t have to be complicated, it may just need your attention… find out more here

4) I was the only parent and the eldest…

Why is there this narrative that you have to know all the answers by the age of 19? Especially when many people at this age contain a high volume of fluorescent alcohol.

Or maybe that was just me.

Many of us won’t just do one thing and even if we trained/went to university, we can’t just rely on that information. Everything is always changing so we must adapt and stay sharp too.

In class, quickly we got to know each other and I soon realised that age had gifted me experience; not only in business but in life.

Being ‘older’ often comes with negative connotations — youth is where it is at?! However business and creativity has to reflect life and all people — there are many stories that need to be shared.

We were asked about our careers to date; something I rarely talk about because I am too busy in the present or future.

To be honest I had forgotten lots of things I had done and it was good to be reminded.

Yes, there have been exciting career moments that may look ‘good’ on the internet but there have also been very small and private wins in my life. Plus all the other failures that are now politely labelled as ‘lessons’ :)

Sometimes when we begin something new, we assume that we are starting again… right back at zero. We rarely are. Even if I were to train as a pilot tomorrow (I am not) I would be highly inexperienced BUT I have been in a plane before. I am relatively calm. I can work in a team. I have a good pilot voice (!) — yes, I have rehearsed it.

So much of who we are is transferable. When you gather and connect with your uniqueness, you bring all of that to the situation which is great.

Plus representation is always key. As a 21 year old, I was frequently told, I would have to do something else, if I wanted to have kids. Luckily I met @indraove 20 years ago who had two little ones; so I saw it was possible and could dispel that myth.

Life is ever evolving as are we. So be bold, be brave and remember it is never too late. Maybe I will fly a plane one day :)

5) If I am doing this, I am doing this…

The great Oprah taught us all about intention and it is such an adaptable concept.

I asked myself what was my intention:

This is what I came up with-

‘To go all in and see what was possible’

I decided that I was going to be an A* student in terms of commitment and curiosity.

I wasn’t going to ‘half arse it…’ a technical term’ :)

I decided that I was in so I was in.

As soon as my intention was clear, my approach closely followed. No dabbling. Strive to do my best. Remain focused and enjoy the process.

If you know it is time to actually do something (rather than just talk about it) I can support you.Have a read about my packages here