How to let go of your past and find your future why

Some people say their school days were the best of their lives. Others, not so much. It's isn't long before the conversation turns to:-

'X Teacher never liked me' 'Remember when, x happened- everyone laughed at me' 'I've never been good at Maths'

Clients often come to me because they want to challenge these limiting beliefs and no longer want to be ruled by them so they can make changes. 

One of my favourite book is The Fire Starter Sessions

There is a great exercise from there that I use with clients to help unpick their way. 


Client comes to me about starting their own business: 

C- I am so bored in my job, I really want to leave and start my business. I have wanted to open my own gift shop for years now, but it hasn't happened yet. 

Me: What steps have you taken so far?

C- I have made a mood board of the interiors and started to note down the kind of things that I would like to sell. 

Me: How about on the business side- what steps have you taken? Have you found a location? Do you have a business plan? When would you like to leave your job?

C: Writing a business plan makes it all official and really scary.

Me: On a scale of one- scary does the prospect of writing a business plan sound?

C: Er, well, it isn't a life or death situation so I guess maybe 3 or 4 out of 10. I guess I am mainly worried about getting it wrong and becoming a failure.


So, the business plan isn't the scary aspect, 'getting it wrong' is. The business plan is merely the vehicle and an obstacle that can stand in our way. As the coach I would help the client explore the possibilities and options they would have so the process becomes less scary and more manageable.

1) What are the changes you would like to make at the moment? How long have been in your head? How would you like to deal with them?

2) What is stopping you? What external obstacles do you need to work through? What is standing in your way?

3) What are the voices in your head saying? Actively think about your idea or change over the next few days and write down any negative opinions you hear- 'I'm not good enough' 'This happens to other people' 'I will do it when I am thinner...' etc When you hear them, challenge yourself with an alternative. 'It's not the right time' 'There is never a perfect time so I will take the first step today and see what happens'

4) Surround yourself with resources or people that help you to believe in possibility. There is an old saying that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with...if that is with negative, moaning people you will pick up on that. Whilst you formulate your idea/change, begin to add some positive influences.

5) Have a go. You may as well, plus I often think you will know pretty quickly if it isn't for you. Think back to the awful jobs you had as a teenager (I'm sure I'm not the only one)- you knew pretty much immediately if you liked it or not. Find a way to dip your toe in the possible new change with a low risk option. 

For more information on Danielle's book, click here